Hillary, Elizabeth, Darlene, Silda, Suzanne and Jenny. What do all these women have in common? Well they were all married to politicians who have been unfaithful to them: Bill Clinton, John Edwards, John Ensign, Eliot Spitzer, Larry Craig and Mark Sanford, respectively. However, one of these women stands apart from the crowd. Jenny Sanford shows us what it means not to enable someone and how not to become the victim in the vicious cycle of enabling.

When she learned of her husband’s unfaithfulness Jenny chose not to stand by his side on shameful display before the world. Instead she showed strength and courage by telling her cheating husband that he was never to see his mistress again if he wanted to maintain relationships with his children. Upon his noncompliance she kicked him out of the house so as to, in her words, keep some self-respect especially before her kids. She has made it clear that he is the loser in all of this and as to questions about her decisions in this matter and how they will affect his career she says his political career is not her problem. Take notes all who are about the business of helping addicts. There is a very important chemical recovery lesson to be learned here.

I met a man the other day who told me he was a crack addict that wanted help. He asked me for money to get food and decried his inability to obtain employment. I made it clear to him that giving him money, although easy and convenient for me, was out of the question, but I offered him a ride to a community court that would be willing to help him with drug treatment, shelter and prospects for employment upon graduation from said drug program. I offered him a chance to study the Bible, come to church and attend a recovery meeting that I also attend. All of my offers were declined.

Conclusion: this man is not ready for the help he needs and my giving him money, taking him in, and other well-meaning gestures would have ended up in me rescuing him. Eventually I would have been taken advantage of by him, would have become resentful toward him, and finally wound up rescuing him again  in an effort to make up for my anger toward him. This is the cycle we, in recovery, are well familiar with, but often fail to recognize its applications elsewhere.

As we look to Jenny Sanford let us take note of someone who gets the CR values in ways many of us in CR may not fully grasp. We should imitate her willingness to stand on principle, especially when it is emotionally demanding of us, because in the end it yields the best results. She did as we should: not take the sentimental, and in some ways easier, route of enabling others. Ultimately this hurts the one we attempt to rescue as well as ourselves.