As far back as I can remember I have always had a very selfish streak. It was always all about me. I rewarded myself thinking I'd deserved it at the cost of so many others feelings. I drank to ease my conscience. I progressed as a daily drinker and in the end was free-basing cocaine on a daily basis. I tried so hard to control myself but in the end I'd give in.
I didn't want to live and I knew I didn't want to die either.
It left me feeling numb and worthless. I didn't want to live and I knew I didn't want to die either. I ended up praying to God (not knowing he was listening) asking him if he could help and felt for the first time a spiritual battle for my soul. I entered a rehab for 28 days and thought I'd been cured. I went to AA meetings as suggested and got a sponsor. I was about four years sober when I felt this unexplainable need to get drunk. I was going to meetings. I was taking the suggestions but I forgot the one thing that mattered the most.
You see I had people praying for me for a long time and God was waiting for me with open arms. My brother and my sister in law had become disciples twelve years ago and had kept inviting me to service, and other church functions. They kept introducing me to different church members and kept praying for me.
I started CR as I was studying and clearly saw the difference in who I was, to where God wanted me to be. I saw the lies I've told myself for so long.
God sent his son to die for me. I decided to become a disciple, I repented and was baptized a couple months ago. I am grateful for this gift and will always cherish it.